Make English Useless...

I am singlehandedly attempting to deconstruct all usefulness of the English language, one phrase at a time.

How will I accomplish this dastardly deed?

1. Ambiguity overload: Be as ambiguous with everything you say as humanly as possible. A perfect example of this is when asked how I'm doing. The response is always - "Well, you know it's {insert day of week here}". Invariably, I'll recieve a response of 'It sure is'. By responding in this manner, not only have I not answered the question, but I've also incited an ambiguous response. No information has actually been exchanged. Genius!

2. The Sacrificial Sentence: Start off a sentence with the phrase "You know, I was just thinking..." and trail off. After pausing for about 15 seconds, while you still hold your audience's attention, state "Ahhh crap, I forgot". This will not only leave your audience's mind confused, but will also (over time) cause them to start doing the same thing.

3. Wandering Eye Contact: Start every conversation making eye contact with people. Over time, start moving your focus to the left or right slightly (an inch at a time). This is a great way to confuse people, especially if you are speaking to a number of people at once.

4. Do like Dubya: Consistently confuse the meanings of similar sounding words. After time, your audience will begin to confuse them as well. Some suggestions are 'anonymously' with 'animosity'; 'celebate' and 'surrogate'. I think you get the draft.

5. Suffixate Like There's no Tomorrow: Add odd suffixes to as many words as you can. I like to make words up like 'Rockify', 'Codation', and 'Crapicate'.

6. Use Contradictory Adjectives (Oxymorons, moron): Slam words together like 'disgustingly beautiful', 'hugely small', and 'Microsoft Works' ,'You'r smart!'

By following these simple steps, I have already observed my social circle beginning their dumbing down. Soon, it'll come to your town faster than that over hyped movie or that pesky ring tone.

The revolution is here, baby.


Wern & Martin are turning in their graves right now .

Men are Stupid. Women are Evil. Food is Good.

Men are Stupid.Women are Evil.Food is Good.

This is the Universal Truth.

1.Men are Stupid: You might have an IQ of 275 , have a double doctrate in Solid State Physics from MIT,with a Nobel to your credit.
But You are still stupid. And no matter what you do you will continue to be stupid.
This is because Males have the 'Y' chromosome, an Incomplete Deficient version of The 'X' chromosome that Women have.This causes the males to do all sorts of stupid things, like marrying women or falling in love.It causes the most intelligent of men to stammer like a blathering idiot in front of a shapely female in a two piece suit.
Its in your genes you cant fight it.


2.Women are Evil: Women have exploited the cruel joke that nature has played on men. Women have played on this weakness of men ever since the dawn of time. There is no point blaming the poor Adder, it was Eve's fault. Behind a successfull man theres a woman and behind an unsuccessfull man there are two. And you can take it from me that the successfull women has some ulterior motive behind the chaps apparent 'success'.Womens lib is a joke. Wake up and smell the coffee.
If you believe this is a male dominated society then thats because you are a man and Rule 1 follows.


3.Food is Good : But no matter what you are, evil or just plain stupid, we all eat . Food is what sustains us.Food doesn't discriminate,Food doesn't solve differential equations. Food is good.


Ipso Facto , Ergo Sum , Men are Stupid . Women are Evil. Food is Good.